And now for something Different

And now for something completely different - also may devolve into a rant so ... maybe not so different? Time has allowed things, terrible unspeakable horrors to rise, okay after almost 4 decades the current brand of spackle and paint I use to coat the barn are no longer working. I've been accused of appropriating kabuki. I am by no means a dried apple - on the contrary - all that pap about "moisturizer" doesn't "dew" me - I'm concerned that some third world entity will come plant a flag between my eyes for oil rights - I don't need a tinted moisturizer. I need bondo. I need newborn derrier smooth. I've figured out how to defur the fuzz that comes in almost as thick as the hub's beard. I no longer circle the orbs with kohl. I gloss instead of lacquer - but this girl needs assistance. And powder -which used to provide a lovely matte veneer now makes me look like a smatter of flour on under rolled pie dough. I want color and sparkle - people. Cover Girl no longer covers this girl so what's a girl to do?