The Big reveal

Or not. Its so big, so amazing I almost forgot about it this morning in the wake of burning eyes, morning mouth and what surely must have been ten tiny puppies rolling in my gut. Mornings are and have been problematic for a long time and the earlier I have to haul out and be human - the worse mornings can be. Suffice it to say, mornings are a dog fight and some days I resemble the bone. 
Yet, here I am. My stalwart Viking DNA understands a good razing but quit is not an option. I breathe, therefore I rise and attempt to conquer even if all I kill is the urge to roll back over and call the day done. 
I know these days I am not alone in my miasma. Its been a rough few years - for everyone. Again, while I breathe - victory is possible. So I try not to dwell in the place of career restart at 50, the dissolution of a publishing company mere seconds before my novel was ready to go to print, adult male spawn who, since I did exactly what a parent is supposed to do and raised them to be independent of me are in fact so independent I am non essential in their lives. Menopause. A world wide pandemic. And now? Chronic health issues. Life is complicated. 
I could wallow in self loathing and pity. Sometimes I allow myself a girly cry in the shower. But my truth is - my situation is the result of my own choices. The choice to move across the country to assist an aging matriarch suffering from dementia was not made lightly and the fallout simply is what it is. And while I miss my family, my dream job, my ex business partner and now my health, I am not done yet. I will not submit to failing health. I will not wish I had written that novel. I will not settle for mediocrity. I will not fade to silence in my children's lives. I breathe, therefore I am victorious. 
A few months ago, my two websites which I had poured decades of writing and research into, were sold to another company and a basically decimated along with my heart. It really felt like a kill shot to my dreams. I started this site, but my heart just wasn't in it. And it still isn't. And in this moment? It doesn't need to be. I choose....
I will never stop grieving for my losses these past five years. AND I will never give up taking back ground. This website is the flag - planted on the smoking wreckage of my life. This is me shouting - I AM STILL HERE. I choose. To live. To seek joy. To write - even if I am my only reader. I am not ready to concede. And if there is still fight left in me - my dear friend - there is still fight left in you too.
Peace,
​TL Boehm - war horse.